Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
