There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
