ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
