Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
