omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
We had to coat check the pizza.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
