Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
the condom got lost in my hair
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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