I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
