He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
