im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
