shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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