The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
