I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
