i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
