And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
