I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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