"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize