I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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