Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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