I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
