chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
