Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
