I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
