btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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