I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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