he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
The uberlube is also flammable
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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