I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
