I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
