I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
