Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
