Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
