we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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