So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
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Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
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A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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