how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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