The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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