you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
she smelled like a LAN party
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I have post one night stand depression
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