all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
