I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
