i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
