I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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