At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
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