y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
