You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
