and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
