ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
