somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
