i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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