brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize