i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
