What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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