I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
