Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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