The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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