Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
