Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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