I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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