To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
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Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
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She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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