i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
