Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
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you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
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Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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