I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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