he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
only if we run a train.
done.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
