dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
