Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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