Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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