I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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